Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Food For Thought
I look out of the sturdy opening across the street; I feel a sense of cosiness. Obviously this is what I should be feeling - I am in my own home. Home is a fortress, a safe house, a place where I know everything and anything that is everywhere and anywhere. No matter how obscenely messy it is, or home puny it may be, my place of residence is the place I cherish the most. It is my only world - my life. Yet I feel something imminent is about to happen.
It may not have been made with the best of materials like some other homes; it may not be lavishly built and it certainly did not look grand. But I was contented with what I had. So much effort and time had been put into building it. My home was a place of laughter and cheerfulness. My siblings were incredibly cute and rowdy. I shudder whenever I think of that day when I took off and left home to build one of my own.
I did not fret as much because my new home was to be built within the vicinity of my old residence and I shall be able to meet my parents everyday. Is it not cool? We can eat out everyday and get home late at night together, everytime. We do not like travelling overseas so it will be great that I can see my parents every other day. But of course, having a family of my own was enough to take up most of my energy and time. As such, I do not really get any chance to meet my folks.
When my parents died, terrible things happened. The upper level authorities came crashing down into our town and tore down all of the empty homes, whereby the debris were all transported elsewhere, somewhere none of us knew. There were rumours that they were being recycled or used to build new homes for the upper level authorities. That was the time when everything fell apart. Everyone was in a frantic, we were afraid that those people would come and remove our homes too! Of course we were not affected because I think those people would not dare hurt the young. Nonetheless, what those people have done was beyond comprehension and forgiveness. They literally tore down in a few hours the work that our parents had took in days to accomplish. I fumed in frustration. I am peeved at myself for not being able to prevent those people from removing the last remnants of what my parents have left behind in this world for me!
Oh, Almighty, what have I done to suffer such punishment? Is it because I cannot swim? Or is it because I am not smart enough like the upper level authorities?
Right now, as I watch my young feeding on the other side, I am immensely worried for what lies ahead for them. Already, the bad weather has made living conditions slightly difficult and some are not adapting well. Food supply is diminishing and we do not have an idea why! How can I leave my kids in this world? What about the future generations!
I guess I just have to put faith in Her Almighty. She knows the best. But where is she? Has she flapped her wings and flew out into the Unknown world and got caught by the upper level authorities?
Moral of the story: Do not buy bird's nest.
It has been an exhilarating academic year, full of downs and little ups. But I guess I did experience new challenges and met new people, which I would otherwise not have if I were still held up in that hell hole somewhere in the secluded concerns of Seletar and Jalan Kayu (Singapore).
Anyway, time flies and I am no longer a freshman; neither am I somewhere near being a senior. Considering that it is my last chance to enjoy the previlege of being under the sheltered life as a student, I am somehow compelled to make the best out of it - notwithstanding my somewhat perculiar interest in staying home catching videos or hanging outside of school for as much as possible. Do not perceive otherwise, because, I adore my school... for its proximity to town. But most of all, it is the incredibly long summer holidays! Of course, when people are whining for-all-the-world-cares about their month-long examinations, I do empathise with them - just not that much. I am truly blessed for having only a 2-week examination period for most, if not all, of the time.
Definitely, I am not here to praise (or criticise) the institution that I will be stuck with for the remaining 3 years.
Not long ago, having just ended my casual - and always rejuvenating - run, while warming down, I spotted an old man 20 feet away walking pass me, a burning cigarette between his index and middle finger. I thought he looked obese and unhealthy (No, I do not have an issue with being plumb!) walking around with that protruding belly (I am not against plumb people!), with a mop of grey hair that looked so unkempt anyone would have thought that they (the hair) have not been treated with shampoo for 3 years.
A thought struck me: What was going on in his mind as he walked sulkingly toward - I would presume to be - his apartment block?
Immediately, many more thoughts ensued: Was he thinking about what television programmes were being telecasted tonight: Desperate Housewives or Jewel In The Palace? Was he thinking about the dinner that he was going to have when he gets home? Or was he thinking of his mistress? I do not know at all when all I did was stand there and watched him disappear off into the lobby...
What I do know, however, is that he is definitely not going to make it past this century. Morbid it may sound but it is just a fact of life. Does everyone not agree?
But a more salient point that also struck me was the limitednes of human lives. Yes, this seems cliched now that I bring it up. In fact, I believe it has been talked about for so many times, I would rather have brinjal any time (Just kidding. I do not fancy Brinjals!).
Okay, now, let's just say that we know when we are going to die. What happens?
Is everyone going to freak out and start grabbing all those ginseng from Yu Yan San? Or would we just lead our lives as usual, keeping in mind our imminent deathdays (as opposed to birthdays)? Imagine, humans discover a way or method to know when they will die from the moment of birth: Coffins will be commoditized, deathdays will be marked on calendars, grave sites with good Feng shui and study soil (There are people with unique tastes, you know. Just like the one who wrote this entry) will be "booked" in advance. Many things will change. Societal norms will be different and people's expectations and way of life are all going to be different entirely.
But that is definitely not within our grasp in the near future. Then again, no one believed that Man would one day fly in the sky - using dense metals. That is, until planes were invented. So there you go.
While I may have pondered about the possible ramifications of such an - some may think - unthinkable discovery, no one is to know for certain what science may uncover in time to come.
In any case, when I do sit back and think about when I will die, some thoughts crossed my mind.
What would become of everyone whom I know? Will they gradually forget me and move on, just like my grandparents who are seldom mentioned of as the years went by? Will they join me in the nether world (or Heaven or whatever) eventually? Just when my mind keep doling out those thoughts, I realise something!
Have I chosen to spend my mortal life whining over my miserable physical attributes and nothing else, or will I make an impact in other people's lives, leaving behind a legacy for everyone to remember me by?
Obviously many people would agree that it would be in their own and definitely their families' interests to leave behind a legacy. Be it for financial sustenance or to take pride in, it is the way to help families remember their (deceased) loved ones by.
Have we ever thought about what sort of legacy we will leave behind? And should we leave behind any, then what should we ought to or must do to create such a legacy? It is our every action in the present moment that eventually contribute to this legacy. We can start up a business and be a millionaire in 3 years; we can also be a pauper and live off others. It is for you and me to decide our future. Life is short; if we want to do something, then we ought to do something (that is, crimes and the like aside) right now! Why wait until the moment when we are lying on the death beds and regret?
Of course, we do not know when we will die and perhaps, enjoying the moment is the best thing to do. Why not savour whatever we have right now while we are still alive? Surely we will die some day. But until that moment comes, should we not be doing something happily and still think it is worthwhile? At least we can die with no regrets but no legacy.
To Oblivious One
If I did not tell you anything at all, would it make my feelings any less serious?
If I were to tell you there is no tomorrow, will it change your point of view?
If I were not so forthcoming, will I be drowning in my own misery now?
If I make you seethe ever so often, would it appease you to see me go?
If I am only on the surface, will I be given the chance and time to go skin deep?
If everything went dark now, I would be so relieved - for once.
To Afar One
If I can look but not touch, will it make my yearn for you fade away in time?
If I were searching for you, will you actually be looking for me?
If I do not take a chance, will I be letting go the possible One?
If I never let the memory go, will I never move to the next dream?
If I were to be aloof and cold, am I torturing you or me?
If I am a fool to forego my possible happiness, then I should be put to sleep.
But I am doing so.
To Author
If space and time pass me by, will I move with them?
If thunder struck and tides came over me, will I still stand firm?
If I just went into the dark, can I call myself Me?
If I were to go to sleep, shall I televise my plan?
If I can believe in alchemy, can I turn invisible?
If I have been such a let down, may my wretched soul be wrecked.
Regards
Flaming Lamborghini, Long Island Tea, Tequila Shot, Bourbon & Coke, Waterfall
& Ak-47 with B-52